The Coolest People in the HP books awards!
by Nightowl
Summary: The title isn't good, I know... ::Shrugs:: O' well. That stupid error thingy is gone! :-) R/R


Loudspeaker: Welcome to coolest-in-the HP book awards!

All: ::Claps::

Cows: Moo!

::At this point, we look around the room. All world leaders- except for those who lead the countries in Africa and Australia, as well as Antarctica- are all in the stadium, along with the usual audience. They are there by force::

::Host walks on to the stage::

Host: I'd just like to show you the award! ::The award is a fake-golden ice cube with the words "cool" on it::

::Host leaves::  
Loudspeaker: Please welcome Hermione Granger!

::Hermione walks on to the stage::

Hermione: Hi. I'm here to present the award for the coolest animals in the HP books! And the nominees are- 

Loudspeaker: A unicorn! Firenze! Aragog! Nagini! The basilisk! Buckbeak!

Hermione: ::Opens envelope:: Um… cows!?!

Cows: Moo!

Hermione: You rigged this, didn't you?

Cows: MOO!

Hermione: Sorry, cows. I forgot the fact that you rule most of the world.

Cows: Moo. 

Hermione: I'll just leave know.

::Hermione leaves::

::T.V turns on::

Newscaster: News flash! The cows- that have taken over most of the world, are know trying to take over the rest of it. Antarctica has already given in, and there here to give a speech.

The rules of Antarctica (penguins): Quack, Quack, QUACK!!!!!!!!

Newscaster: What has the world gone to?

All: The cows!

All cows: Moo!

::T.V turns off::

Loudspeaker: Please welcome Ron Weasly!

::Ron walks in::

Ron: I'm here to present the award for the best Qudditich player.

All: You mean coolest.

Ron: No, I mean best. We couldn't decide whom the coolest Qudditich player, so we decided on best.

All: Oh.   
Ron: Anyway, the nominees are-

Loudspeaker: Draco Malfoy! Oliver Wood! Harry Potter! Viktor Krum!

Ron: And the winner is- ::Opens envelope:: Harry Potter.

Viktor: VHAT!?!?! I'm the best Qudditich player! I vas in the Vorld Cup!

Ron: But you lost.

Viktor: I knew someone vas going to rub that in my face someday. 

::Harry walks on to the stage as Ron walks off::

Harry: Thanks. 

::Harry walks off::  
Loudspeaker: Please welcome-

::Suddenly, the loudspeaker is interrupted by a bunch of people looking at a cow behind a curtain, whom they found::  
Loudspeaker: Don't pay attention to that cow behind the curtain!

::Everybody realizes that the person behind the loudspeaker is actually a talking cow::

The talking cow: Hi ya, my name's-

All: BOB!  
The talking cow: No, actually it's Steven.

All: Oh.

Steven: I'm going to go back behind the curtain, know. 

All: Okay.

Loudspeaker/Steven, the cow behind the curtain: Please welcome Lavender Brown!

::Lavender walks on to the stage::

Lavender: I'm here to present the award for the coolest-

::Suddenly, a 30-ton weight falls on to Lockhart::

All: ::Cheers::

Lavender: Woah that was weird. The biggest weight yet. Anyway, I'm here to present the award for the coolest dog. And the nominees are-

Loudspeaker: Padfoot AKA Snuffles AKA Sirus Black! Fluffy! Fang!

Lavender: And the winner is- ::Opens envelope and runs around screaming, "the cows aren't dogs, the cows aren't dogs!!!::

Loudspeaker: The cows have taken over Zaire! 

All: ::Claps and cheers, by force of the cows::

Loudspeaker: Please welcome Draco Malfoy!  
::Draco walks onto the stage::  
Draco: I'm here to present the award for the coolest person! And the nominees are-

Loudspeaker: No one, due to the fact that the whole thing was- and will be- too controversial! 

All: ::Claps::

::Draco walks off stage::

Loudspeaker: The cows have taken over the world! The leaders of all the countries have surrender! 

All: ::Claps::

All cows: Moo!

Loudspeaker: We will know learn the anthem of the world!

::T.V turns on, and shows the words::

All: (Signing): We are ruled by the cows,

All which deserve great bows!

'Cause the rule the Earth

For what it's worth!

::Song finishes::

Someone in the audience: ::Standing up:: That's it! Only 4 lines!

Loudspeaker: Hey, you try to write an anthem! Know we get to see the new flag::

::On the T.V, we see a picture of the new flag. It has a white background and has a picture of a cow in the middle. There are black spots all around the cow::

All: ::Claps::

Loudspeaker: It's over! Finally! I can get some rest! 

~ The End ~

Disclaimer: Everything except for the leaders of the countries, the loudspeaker, Steven, the talking cow, the weight, The T.V, The line "Don't look at the cow behind the curtain," The cow's anthem, the cow's flag, and the cows belong to the writer J.K Rowling. The T.V belongs to whatever company owns it, the leaders of countries belong to themselves, The line "Don't look at the cow behind the curtain" is derived from a line from _The Wizard of Oz _which belongs to L. Frank Balm, and I own the loudspeaker, the weight, and the cows . You can have what I own, except for the cows, and the cow's anthem as well as the cow's flag. 

A/N: I'm horribly at writing song lyrics that rhyme, so I apologize about the really bad song. Please don't flame me about that. Anyway, Cow's Rule! J Hyperness…


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